After recovering and receiving the okay from my doctor, I set out in an old pair of cross trainers. I ran hard and fast, pounding the pavement. I lasted maybe three minutes, about one-third of a mile. My lungs felt like thin balloons about to pop. I thought, I definitely need a sports bra if I'm going to keep this up. I felt self-conscious, like a child on the first day of kindergarten. I also felt the knot in my left shoulder start to ease and loosen slightly. The tension knot had been there for the many months of pregnancy tests and sonograms.

I walked until my heart stopped racing and then began a slow jog home. As I rounded the corner I thought of my husband, a former triathlete. Six months previously, after a nine-year hiatus from training, he had begun running again. I saw a domino effect occur. He was eating healthier foods, making a point of drinking lots of water, sleeping soundly, looking fit. He seemed at ease in his work, with our two children, with us. He also started swimming and biking again. The guilt of not training was gone, and all of the benefits were settling in.

I coveted these benefits. I longed for his energy and peace of mind. I wanted to relieve the normal stress of being an at-home mom to two young children. I wanted to cleanse myself of the spectrum of emotions I had pent up after the miscarriages. I wanted something, but nothing material. I yearned for a small amount of solitude and spirituality. (Come to think of it, I also wanted to drop thirteen pounds.) I ran again the next day.

In time, I bought a sports bra, running shoes and a gym membership. I learned how to use the treadmill. Although I prefer running outdoors, weather sometimes dictates my course of the day. The treadmill also gave me a good sense of my pace, distance and progress. I gained confidence and lost a few pounds. More important, I lost that knot in my shoulder (the one that was so painful I actually considered cortisone shots and prescription pain pills).

My husband and I now share running tips and highlights. We often run together with our children riding happily in a jogging stroller chanting, "Faster, Mommy, faster!"

I hit a frustrating plateau after two months of running three to four days a week. I could not muster the energy to run more than two-and-a-half miles at a stretch. I decided to challenge myself and entered a 5K race. I was nervous, excited and determined to cross the finish line running. I finished in 33: 30, but I did it, and it was an incredible high. The same day my husband ran a 10K, my five-year-old ran a 200-yard dash, and my two-year-old ran a ten-yard dash.

Two weeks after the 5K I ran a four mile race and actually beat my 5K time. Several months later, when I hit another plateau and felt I couldn't muster the energy to run more than five miles, I entered a small 10K race. Once again I was determined to cross the finish line running. Fifty minutes and forty-seven seconds later, with my husband pushing my cheering children behind me, I placed first in my age division. I won a pair of trail running shoes. Oh, the benefits of running!

Amy Ryan finished that half marathon, but as a result of subsequent running workouts, she sustained an injury that forced her to take some time off from running. While she was healing, she became pregnant and gave birth to Josephine Carmel Ryan in December 1998. Amy and her husband Jim continue to train with Maggie (seven), Sam (four) and their new baby Josephine in tow. The Ryans live in Xxxxxx, Xxxxxxxxxx.

In 1991, when Home by Choice was published, there was more of a cultural debate about daycare, and the media was more interested in hearing about the possibilities of being at home. Home by Choice was both polemical and practical--I gave lots of practical ideas for how to stay home since I had at one time been a divorced mother of two toddlers and started a home business so that I would not have to leave them. Since that time, I have observed a cultural evolution in the discussion. 

Four years of working as a therapist between writing these books has softened me. Power of Mother Love is more universal, more directed toward how mothers feel about their children and the importance of their time together. I wanted to tap into something so deep that no matter what lifestyle situation a mother is in, something deep inside her would resonate. The first half of the book is built around many mothers' stories--their experiences, thoughts, and feelings. In the second half I spell out, from my perspective as a developmental psychologist, how a mother affects her child's development. 

As you were working on this book, you were going through some extremely significant life changes. Can you tell me how they affected you as you wrote?

First, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was faced with the prospect of death. Also, my younger daughter was pregnant for the first time. Her baby was born three weeks after my mastectomy, at which time I also sent my publisher the first full draft of this book. Holding my new grandson to me was the most healing thing that could have happened--spiritually and physically. I could literally feel so much pain leave my body.

In the months before, I thought about my legacy: If I die, what is the one thing I really want to say? I knew that I wanted to affirm mothers and speak about the needs of babies. 

My grandson is now almost two years old and it has been amazing to see my daughter's transformation and to watch the bonding process for her family. I will always have a very special bond with him because of the time in my life that he was born.

Becoming a mother is not easy. You and I spoke before about the struggles of new mothers. You have also witnessed this in your daughter.

Yes, it can be hard on a mother to watch her own children go through the hard times--responding around the clock to a nursing baby, dealing with a baby's neediness. There are times that dad or grandma simply won't do. Having had two daughters, it is amazing to see the differences between infant girls and boys. Although I know what the research says, it is something different to observe within your own relationships. I am learning firsthand about the male gender. Baby boys are more emotionally vulnerable.

That has been true for me as well. I have three boys and two girls, and while no two are alike in personality, the boys were far more demanding of me than the girls in the early years. As a new mother of a boy baby, I almost felt suffocated by his demands. Reading the research has helped me put it in perspective. Also, I really needed social support from other mothers. How has your daughter found support?

This may be one of the hardest issues for her too. Finding a special friend or group of friends whom one can share feelings with is important. Some groups can be so structured that it is difficult to find your way. Motherhood is so overwhelming that you need people just to understand your feelings, people who are also going through this experience. I can be a sounding board, but I am her mother. She still needs to have other friends.

I found that motherhood made me examine my past life, especially my relationships with my mother with whom I am very close, and my father who was absent from my life because of divorce. I had to revisit these issues as I was learning to nurture. As a therapist, and a woman who also experienced divorce and had a difficult relationship with her own mother, what perspectives have you developed on how women develop as mothers through special challenges?

My therapy practice was made up of women, many mothers, who were experiencing general anxiety or depression. Often they had a wounded past with one parent. Usually they brought their babies with them, which I loved. It was remarkable to see them grow through facing the problems, and to see their babies grow with them. I think most of us are wounded in some area, some more so than others. I encourage parents to work through the pain. There is enormous power that comes from facing down the demons. I have had to do it throughout my life, and shared it with my clients. The key is stepping up to the challenge.

As adults we go through different stages. The research shows that it is in midlife that we (women and men) make peace with our parents. I have found that marriage and motherhood are the times that women will particularly feel the void if their mothers are not there for some reason. It is important to find mentors or surrogate mothers to address that emotional and spiritual void. I believe we mother best in the company of other women.

You seem to write books in clusters. As soon as you finished The Power of Mother Love, you followed up with another. My God, Do You Love Me? seemed to grow out of your battle with cancer.

This is my most personal book--vulnerable and emotionally naked. I have striven for intimacy with the reader by sharing the intimacy of my conversations with God, the terror and at times despair. In addition to dealing with my own health problems, I have been taking care of my very sick mother, which also left me in fear. The experiences and my spiritual journey felt like I was peeling away my skin. I revamped my priorities, worked on difficult family relationships and grew closer to God. I have a sense of a calling rather than a job or profession. My husband and I have become people who live now. We are going on a cruise next week to celebrate our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary--we are not waiting until the twenty-fifth. There is a saying that small children, recovering alcoholics and cancer survivors know how to live in the moment.

You have written a number of books, and The Power of Mother Love seems to be a culmination of your many years of working with and mentoring mothers and your professional work. What launched you in this direction and where are you headed?