Parenting and Child Care

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The Irreducible Needs of Children: What Every Child Must Have to Grow, Learn, and Flourish, by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. and Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D. (Perseus Books, October 2000, $24.00)

Go to the Complete Review of this book.

Nationally renowned for their clinical practices, their teaching, writing and researching, pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton and child psychiatrist Stanley I. Greenspan have joined forces to produce a groundbreaking book in which they aim "to challenge the status quo." In the introduction, Dr. Brazelton and Dr. Greenspan explain:

. . .caring for the families in our practices and engaging in studies of child development on a broader scale, we have become deeply concerned about the unmet needs of children.... Here, we have set out to identify the very most basic needs, the kinds of care without which children cannot grow, learn, and thrive. The 'irreducible needs' we will lay out are experiences and types of nurturing to which every child has a right. Yet by spelling out these needs, it becomes clear that at present our society is failing many of its families and small children. As physicians deeply committed to the well being of children, we can no longer stand by with the complacency that silence implies.

This book brings the doctors' years of experience and sterling reputations to bear in answering the question asked a few years ago at a White House Conference on Infant and Child Development: What types of early experiences are vital for intellectual and emotional growth -- and how much of each is necessary?

The irreducible needs are:
The need for...

• Ongoing Nurturing Relationships
• Physical Protection, Safety and Regulation
• Experiences Tailored to Individual Differences
• Developmentally Appropriate Experiences
• Limit Setting, Structure and Expectations
• Stable, Supportive Communities and Cultural Continuity.

Greenspan and Brazelton stake out a courageous and controversial position. First, they acknowledge that non-parental care may be highly desirable or absolutely necessary in some circumstances. Still, they insist, "In the first three years, every child needs one or two primary caregivers who remain in a steady, intimate relationship with that child." The doctors specify further that children under three spend at least two-thirds of their waking time involved in "two types of activities: [1] those in which the caregiver facilitates interactions with the environment, and [2] direct interaction, such as cuddling, holding, shared pretend play, and funny face games." For school-age children, we recommend that of the available time two-thirds be spent with the caregiver being available for facilitating or directly interacting.... Parents should be available enough so they or the children don't have to be measuring each moment of time and the guidelines outlined above can be taken for granted."

On daycare the doctors say, "We do not recommend full-time day care, 30 or more hours of care [per week] by nonparents, for infants and toddlers if the parents are able to provide high-quality care themselves and if the parents have reasonable options."

-- exerpts from the January 2001 Welcome Home Book Review by Cathy Myers, with Sharon Rutberg

The Aware Baby by Aletha J. Solter (Shining Star Press, revised edition May 2001)

(From Books to Look For in the July 2001 issue of Welcome Home) Aletha Solter is a Swiss-American developmental psychologist who studied with Dr. Jean Piaget at the University of Geneva. After the difficult birth of her first child in 1977, Dr. Solter could not find parenting books that would support her interest in attachment-style parenting and non-punitive discipline. She wanted resources that would take into account the impact of stress and trauma on a child’s development.

In 1984, she published the first edition of The Aware Baby, the book she wished she could have found as a new mother. Solter followed it with Helping Young Children Flourish and Tears and Tantrums. All three books are based on a deep respect for children and acceptance of their needs for emotional release. Her goal is not to teach parents and caregivers how to stifle a baby’s crying, but to help parents learn to allow their baby to release stress and trauma and achieve emotional health.

Aletha Solter founded The Aware Parenting Institute in 1990 to promote her philosophy of empathy, respect and non-violence. Her book The Aware Baby contains seven chapters (Beginnings, Crying, Food, Sleep, Play, Conflicts
and Attachment) and covers parenting of children up until two-and-a-half years of age. Each chapter concludes with exercies under the headings of "Explore Your Childhood," "Express Your Feelings about Your Baby" and "Nurturing Yourself."

We are pleased to bring you this excerpt from the introduction of the revised edition of The Aware Baby, published in May 2001:

“Aware Parenting” does not involve quick solutions or simplistic methods. Instead it represents an entirely new way of being with babies based on trust, empathy and respect. It describes how to form a deep emotional connection with your baby, and how to help your baby stay connected to her true self and grow up as a whole human being. Aware Parenting is comprised of three basic aspects: attachment-style parenting, nonpunitive discipline and acceptance of emotional release....

Four Basic Assumptions

There are four basic assumptions concerning human nature underlying the ideas presented in this book.

The first assumption is that human beings are born knowing basically what they need, not only for survival, but also for optimal physical, emotional and intellectual development. As an illustration, given choices between toys, babies will play with the ones that best foster their intellectual development on any given day. The idea is that babies know and indicate what they need, and we can therefore trust them to be in charge of their own lives as much as they are physically able. Babies will communicate their needs, if given a chance, and it is the caretaker’s role to interpret their signals correctly.

The second assumption is that babies are conceived with the potential for both good and bad behavior, but how they are treated determines how they will act. If babies are not hurt or oppressed, and if all their needs are met, they will be good, cooperative, intelligent, joyful people with the ability to give and receive love. People act in hurtful and stupid ways only if they are suffering from unhealed trauma.

The third assumption is that experiences early in life can have a profound and lasting effect on feelings and behavior patterns later in life. Babies are vulnerable and can be easily hurt because of their extreme dependence and lack of information. Even in the best of families, babies will experience stress and emotional pain at times.... Although later childhood experiences are also important, the first few years are by far the most important years of a person’s life....

The fourth assumption of this book is that, when optimal conditions are present, babies can heal from many of the effects of stress or trauma. Babies’ natural biological tendency is to strive for health and physiological balance. In addition to describing an approach that avoids hurting babies as much as possible, this book also describes how to help babies heal from emotional trauma if it should occur. The fact that most of us adults still suffer from the effects of early trauma does not contradict this fourth assumption. It simply implies that we were not raised in an environment that allowed us to restore emotional health.

Copyright © 2001 by Aletha Solter

For more information, including the "Principles of Aware Parenting" see www.awareparenting.com

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Covering Home Lessons on the Art of Fathering from the Game of Baseball
by Jack Petrash (2003, $8.95)

Go to the Complete Review of this book.

Mr. Petrash describes three important stages of childhood (and parenting), each of which lasts about seven years and which he equates with the early innings, the middle innings, and the late innings. In the first three innings, the focus is on the child’s and father’s “active” involvement in their relationship. In the next three innings, their relationship centers on the emotional connection between them. The last three innings are more “thoughtful” as the child learns to become independent.These three elements are repeated throughout the book as Mr. Petrash recounts his own extraordinary baseball and parenting memories....

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Becoming the Parent You Want To Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years
by Laura Davis and Janis Keyser  (Broadway Books, c. 1997, $20)

Most new parents find a good guide to caring for infants and toddlers useful--a book that explains the details of feeding an infant, that shows how to bathe a baby and helps new parents with infant illnesses. Often these books give a month-by-month list of developmental milestones and descriptions of behavior, which may or may not fit an individual child's progress. As a child grows, however, parents may discover that many of the decisions they make and many of the difficulties they face are not covered by the standard child-care books.

Becoming the Parent You Want To Be is an excellent parenting book that covers some of this shortfall. The authors, Laura Davis (a writer, workshop leader and mother) and Janis Keyser (a noted parent educator and mother), cover a wide variety of important topics in twenty-eight chapters, ranging from "Helping Your Children Deal with Fear" to "Supporting Children's Play and Learning" to "Being Human: When You're Not Yet the Parent You Want to Be." They encourage parents to discover their own parenting style and to understand the values that they most want to convey to their young children. They write:

...we believe that parents are human. We all make mistakes. We all feel uncertain. We all have times when we're confused and don't know what to do, and we all despair sometimes, trying to figure out if we're 'doing it right.' That's natural. It goes with the territory. Being human, making mistakes, and learning from our mistakes are all parts of effective parenting.

Several chapters cover topics that seldom appear in early parenting books. Chapter nine, "Building a Supportive Community," contains a lot of useful information about building connections with other families, moving beyond competition with other parents, and building support within an extended family. Another chapter, "Children's Friendships: Cooperation and Conflict," helps parents to understand children's social interactions and provides good ideas for conflict resolutions.

Throughout the book, the authors are consistently respectful in their approach to children and parents, acknowledging that each child and parent is unique. Instead of laying down rigid parenting rules, they recommend that parents carefully observe their child, so that their parenting style can be more in tune with their child's temperament. The authors include examples from a wide variety of parents and children, and cite many other excellent parenting resources in each section.

Becoming the Parent You Want To Be is indeed a valuable "sourcebook of strategies" for parents of young children. Its interweaving of information, real-life personal stories and words of encouragement can help us to enjoy our own unique parenting journey.

Reviewed by Laura Jones, WH Editor-in-Chief
(reprinted from Welcome Home, August 2000)

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Natural Family Living: The Mothering Magazine Guide to Parenting by Peggy O'Mara and Jane McConnell (Pocket Books, March 2000)

For more than two decades, Mothering Magazine has been a thoughtful and thought-provoking voice for the alternative, natural family life.  Now its publisher, Peggy O'Mara, has joined with Jane McConnell in writing Natural Family Living: The Mothering Magazine Guide to Parenting. Packed with information, the book includes quotes from parents throughout, which help remind us that we learn and grow throughout our parenting years.  Reading this book will offer most of us new perspectives and the opportunity to think carefully about the choices we make while raising our children.  Major topic areas include preconception, pregnancy, natural childbirth and midwifery; baby's first years (breastfeeding, vaccinations, attachment parenting); feeding the family; natural health care; family matters (discipline, adolescence, family values); educational alternatives (including an insightful chapter on public schooling); when bad things happen (divorce, death).  The afterword is vital -- you might want to read it first: Trusting and Taking Care of Yourself as a Parent.  Peggy writes: "I hope that this book gives you hope; a bigger sense of who you are, of who your child is, and of your family."
--reviewed by Cathy Myers, FAHN publications director

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Building Healthy Minds : The Six Experiences That Create Intelligence and Emotional Growth in Babies and Young Children by Stanley I. Greenspan, Nancy Breslau Lewis (Contributor) (Perseus Books, 1999)

Our society often tends to devalue the emotional aspect of the human psyche in favor of the intellectual.  But as Dr. Stanley Greenspan, eminent child psychiatrist and author of many books on child development, explains in his latest work, Building Healthy Minds:  The Six Experiences that Create Intelligence and Emotional Growth in Babies and Young Children, emotional development is a critical foundation for every other aspect of a child's development.  Dr. Greenspan emphasizes the importance of ongoing, intensive, affectionate interactions for developing young minds:  "The more you are able to encourage the integrated growth of your child's mind and brain, the more successful you'll be in laying the groundwork for his becoming an intelligent, logical, socially adept, empathic adult.  These important qualities spring out of the fertile soil of your continuing interactions."
--reviewed by Marian Gormley, FAHN media director

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Also by Dr. Greenspan:

The Growth of the Mind : And the Endangered Origins of Intelligence by Stanley I. Greenspan, Beryl Lieff Benderly (Contributor) (Harpercollins, 1998)

The Power of Mother Love:  Transforming Both Mother and Child by Brenda Hunter (Waterbrook Press)

The Power of Mother Love:  Transforming Both Mother and Child is the eleventh book by Dr. Brenda Hunter who, as a mother, writer and developmental psychologist, serves as an advocate for the deep psychological and spiritual needs every child has for his or her mother.  Drawing on extensive interviews and her own therapy practice, Dr. Hunter shows how motherhood challenges and empowers women.  She also explains the research that describes a mother's impact on her child's overall development, especially her conscience.  Dr. Hunter speaks at mothers' conferences, hearings before Congress, and is a frequent guest on many radio and television news programs.
-- reviewed by Heidi Brennan

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Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love by Robert Karen (Oxford University Press, 1998)

In Becoming Attached, Robert Karen offers fresh insight into some of the most fundamental issues of emotional life. He explores such questions as: What do children need to feel that the world is a positive place and that they have value? What are the risks of day care for children under one year of age, and
what can parents do to manage those risks? What experiences in infancy will enable a person to develop healthy relationships as an adult? Robert Karen traces the history of attachment theory through the controversial work of John Bowlby, a British psychoanalyst, and Mary Ainsworth, an American developmental psychologist, who together launched a revolution in child psychology.

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The Assault on Parenthood: How Our Culture Undermines the Family by Dana Mack (Simon & Schuster, Inc., 1997)

Dana Mack exposes a disturbing aspect of American society. Embedded in the very institutions that are supposed to be helping parents in the difficult enterprise of child-rearing is a pronounced anti-family bent. Despite the fuss over "family values," Mack argues, we're living in an increasingly family-hating culture that offers little respect or support for parents -- that in fact undermines their efforts at a time when they are working harder than ever to raise their children right. This state of affairs, Mack maintains, is at odds with the real aspirations and values of parents everywhere and jeopardizes what we treasure most about the family. But a rising groundswell of disenchanted parents is forging a pro-family counterculture aimed at reclaiming the rights and responsibilities of child-rearing and revitalizing family intimacy. Mack sees in their efforts a blueprint for a new family policy, which she articulates in a call to arms that cannot be ignored.

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Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child by Burton L. White (Fireside)

White identifies the five stages of a child's social development, pinpointing how parental attitudes and behavior affect children's personalities and their interactions with others from birth through adulthood. Basing his recommendations on thirty-seven years of research and observation, White shows how to bring up an independent, socially secure, and delightful child.

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The New First Three Years of Life by Burton L. White (Fireside)

Based on Burton White's thirty-seven years of observation and research, this detailed guide to the month-by-month mental, physical, social, and emotional development of infants and toddlers has supported and guided hundreds of thousands of parents. Now completely revised and updated, it contains the most accurate information and advice available on raising and nurturing the very young child. White gives parents real-world-tested advice on creating a stimulating environment for your infant and toddler; using effective, age-appropriate discipline techniques; how to handle sleep problems; what toys you should (and should not) buy; how to encourage healthy social development; and how and when to toilet-train. Focusing on the vital link between loving but firm parenting and the successful development of a child, he helps parents avoid the trap of overindulgence. Based on Burton White's thirty-seven years of observation and research, this detailed guide to the month-by-month mental, physical, social, and emotional development of infants and toddlers has supported and guided hundreds of thousands of parents. Now completely revised and updated, it contains the most accurate information and advice available on raising and nurturing the very young child. White gives parents real-world-tested advice on creating a stimulating environment for your infant and toddler; using effective, age-appropriate discipline techniques; how to handle sleep problems; what toys you should (and should not) buy; how to encourage healthy social development; and how and when to toilet-train. Focusing on the vital link between loving but firm parenting and the successful development of a child, he helps parents avoid the trap of overindulgence.

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Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care by Benjamin, M.D. Spock, Steven Parker, Sharon Scotland (Illustrator), Stephen Parker

For over 45 Years, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care has been the bible for new parents -- the one book you can use in the middle of the night to decide whether or not to call your doctor. All of the most common childhood illnesses and their symptoms are described, and the best treatment of them advised, as well as what you should do in case of an emergency. Virtually every aspect of the care of infants, children, and teenagers is covered, from sleep problems, to discipline, to sex and drugs -- all the basic information that has made this book the most authoritative and complete parenting guide ever written. In this new edition, which contains a wealth of new, revised, and updated material (including computer literacy and nontraditional families), Drs. Spock and Parker tackle the problems parents face in an increasingly competitive and technological-oriented world.

Order Baby and Child Care paperback 7th revised edition (June 1998)
or the hardcover7th revised edition (July 1998)

Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child by Katie Allison Granju, Betsy Kennedy (Contributor) [also William Sears] (Pocket Books)

A comprehensive guide to attachment parenting, which asserts that consistent parental responsiveness to a baby's needs will lead to happy and emotionally well-balanced children.

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The Day Care Decision by William and Wendy Dreskin (NY, Evans & Co., 1983) (ISBN 0871314185)

Out of print

Early Child Care: Infants & Nations at Risk by Dr. Peter Cook

In Defense of the Family: Raising Children in America Today by Rita Kramer (Basic Books, Inc., 1983)

It is the author's thesis that "the successful development of the child requires the sustained and active involvement of both parents. This does not mean entrusting the child to the care of well-chosen professionals; it means looking after the child oneself. And those doing the looking-after must act like his parents, not his buddies. . . . Formal institutions, notably the schools, are to play supporting rather than leading roles in the drama of child-rearing. If parents attend to their child's values and character, if they assume responsibility for sex education and moral development, the schools can concentrate on cognitive skills and subject matter."

Out of print

When the Bough Breaks: The Cost of Neglecting Our Children by Sylvia Ann Hewlett (Harper Collins, 1992)

This book examines "problems--substance abuse, emotional instability, and broken homes--that contribute to parental and public neglect. Hewlett also outlines ways society can help to rectify the situation, including educational reform, changes in workplace, and government policies."

Out of print   (ISBN 0465091652)

Who Needs Parents? The Effects of Childcare and Early Education on Children in Britain and the USA by Patricia Morgan

(The Institute of Economic Affairs, Health and Welfare Unit, London 1996) (ISBN 0255363680; ISSN 1362-9565)

We'll be expanding our list of books so please continue to visit this web page for recommendations of books on a wide range of family-related topics.