The Power of Mother Love: Transforming Both Mother and Child is the eleventh book by Dr. Brenda Hunter who, as a mother, writer and developmental psychologist, serves as an advocate for the deep psychological and spiritual needs every child has for his or her mother. Drawing on extensive interviews and her own therapy practice, Dr. Hunter shows how motherhood challenges and empowers women. She also explains the research that describes a mother's impact on her child's overall development, especially her conscience. Dr. Hunter speaks at mothers' conferences, hearings before Congress, and is a frequent guest on many radio and television news programs.

Dr. Hunter, you have been writing about mothers and motherhood for well over a decade now. The first book I read of yours was Home by Choice, which spoke directly to my concerns as a mom at home. Why this book, The Power of Mother Love, and why now?

In 1991, when Home by Choice was published, there was more of a cultural debate about daycare, and the media was more interested in hearing about the possibilities of being at home. Home by Choice was both polemical and practical--I gave lots of practical ideas for how to stay home since I had at one time been a divorced mother of two toddlers and started a home business so that I would not have to leave them. Since that time, I have observed a cultural evolution in the discussion. Daycare is far more established in the cultural mind as a norm for child rearing. There is still a debate about daycare, but it has shifted since 1991. For example, last year a major morning TV news show producer told my current publicist that "we are no longer interested in at-home mothers; we are interested in easing the working mother's guilt."

Four years of working as a therapist between writing these books has softened me. Power of Mother Love is more universal, more directed toward how mothers feel about their children and the importance of their time together. I wanted to tap into something so deep that no matter what lifestyle situation a mother is in, something deep inside her would resonate. The first half of the book is built around many mothers' stories--their experiences, thoughts, and feelings. In the second half I spell out, from my perspective as a developmental psychologist, how a mother affects her child's development. In particular, I focus on what research shows is the unique contribution of mothers--the roots of conscience are formed in the attachment relationship with the mother, forming the basis of empathy. I also wanted mothers to see the power they have.

As you were working on this book, you were going through some extremely significant life changes. Can you tell me how they affected you as you wrote?

First, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and was faced with the prospect of death. Also, my younger daughter was pregnant for the first time. Her baby was born three weeks after my mastectomy, at which time I also sent my publisher the first full draft of this book. Holding my new grandson to me was the most healing thing that could have happened--spiritually and physically. I could literally feel so much pain leave my body.

In the months before, I thought about my legacy: If I die, what is the one thing I really want to say? I knew that I wanted to affirm mothers and speak about the needs of babies. They cannot articulate those, and it is easy to miss them in the cultural humdrum. When we are busy, we can miss the nonverbal cues. I don't want mothers to be alone in their experience.

My grandson is now almost two years old and it has been amazing to see my daughter's transformation and to watch the bonding process for her family. I will always have a very special bond with him because of the time in my life that he was born.

Becoming a mother is not easy. You and I spoke before about the struggles of new mothers. You have also witnessed this in your daughter.

Yes, it can be hard on a mother to watch her own children go through the hard times--responding around the clock to a nursing baby, dealing with a baby's neediness. There are times that dad or grandma simply won't do. Having had two daughters, it is amazing to see the differences between infant girls and boys. Although I know what the research says, it is something different to observe within your own relationships. I am learning firsthand about the male gender. Baby boys are more emotionally vulnerable.

That has been true for me as well. I have three boys and two girls, and while no two are alike in personality, the boys were far more demanding of me than the girls in the early years. As a new mother of a boy baby, I almost felt suffocated by his demands. Reading the research has helped me put it in perspective. Also, I really needed social support from other mothers. How has your daughter found support?

This may be one of the hardest issues for her too. Finding a special friend or group of friends whom one can share feelings with is important. Some groups can be so structured that it is difficult to find your way. Motherhood is so overwhelming that you need people just to understand your feelings, people who are also going through this experience. I can be a sounding board, but I am her mother. She still needs to have other friends.

I found that motherhood made me examine my past life, especially my relationships with my mother with whom I am very close, and my father who was absent from my life because of divorce. I had to revisit these issues as I was learning to nurture. As a therapist, and a woman who also experienced divorce and had a difficult relationship with her own mother, what perspectives have you developed on how women develop as mothers through special challenges?

My therapy practice was made up of women, many mothers, who were experiencing general anxiety or depression. Often they had a wounded past with one parent. Usually they brought their babies with them, which I loved. It was remarkable to see them grow through facing the problems, and to see their babies grow with them. I think most of us are wounded in some area, some more so than others. I encourage parents to work through the pain. There is enormous power that comes from facing down the demons. I have had to do it throughout my life, and shared it with my clients. The key is stepping up to the challenge.

As adults we go through different stages. The research shows that it is in mid-life that we (women and men) make peace with our parents. I have found that marriage and motherhood are the times that women will particularly feel the void if their mothers are not there for some reason. It is important to find mentors or surrogate mothers to address that emotional and spiritual void. I believe we mother best in the company of other women.

The famous Harvard psychoanalyst Erik Erikson created a model of the eight psychosocial stages of adulthood. He describes the task for both women and men at midlife as a generative one--nurturing the younger generation. This can be accomplished through parenthood, mentoring, teaching. He believed that adults who failed to nurture others at this stage were left psychologically stagnant and unable to work on later adult stages of growth, especially the one he described as integrity versus despair. This is the stage where you examine your life's accomplishment. In a sense one of the powers of mother love is the power to grow as an adult.

You seem to write books in clusters. As soon as you finished The Power of Mother Love, you followed up with another. My God, Do You Love Me? seemed to grow out of your battle with cancer.

This is my most personal book--vulnerable and emotionally naked. I have striven for intimacy with the reader by sharing the intimacy of my conversations with God, the terror and at times despair. In addition to dealing with my own health problems, I have been taking care of my very sick mother, which also left me in fear. The experiences and my spiritual journey felt like I was peeling away my skin. I revamped my priorities, worked on difficult family relationships and grew closer to God. I have a sense of a calling rather than a job or profession. My husband and I have become people who live now. We are going on a cruise next week to celebrate our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary--we are not waiting until the twenty-fifth. There is a saying that small children, recovering alcoholics and cancer survivors know how to live in the moment.

You have written a number of books, and The Power of Mother Love seems to be a culmination of your many years of working with and mentoring mothers and your professional work. What launched you in this direction and where are you headed?

I had a master's degree in English and taught high school and college before my children were born. My husband left me when they were three and one years old. I had to return to work for one year, but quit when they were four and two when I saw how they were hurt. I began a home business in editing and writing. I was divorced in 1970, so I was a working mother before it was trendy. My first book, Beyond Divorce, was published in 1978, followed by Where Have All the Mothers Gone? I realized I would need a Ph. D. to continue to write about motherhood. I received my doctorate in developmental psychology from Georgetown University when I was forty-nine and have made advocacy for mothers and babies the theme of my work both as a writer and therapist. I have come to see this as my calling, my one great passion. I keenly feel the need to speak for the mother-child bond and for women and children and will continue to do so.