Shhh... Don't Tell the IRS by Catherine Brehm This article originally appeared in the April 2001 issue of Welcome Home. Article Copyright 2001 Catherine Brehm. Reproduction or dissemination of this work -- or any part of it -- is expressly forbidden without the written consent of the author.

When I fill out my tax return this year, I'll report my income as $0--nada, zip, zilch. But I'll let you in on a little secret that the IRS will never know: I actually receive paychecks (and lots of them) all year long.

Deciding to stay home was a gradual process for me. I was not a mom who felt my unborn child stir within me and knew that I had to quit my job. Nor did I gaze into my newborn's eyes and realize that I wanted to be with him every moment. I took pride in the fact that my income equaled my husband's. I enjoyed my job and defined much of myself through my work.

Before my son was born, I naively envisioned us having it all. I had no doubt that my husband and I would strike the perfect balance as working parents with ample time to jointly nurture our children. But, as all parents learn, it's not that simple. It wasn't long before my husband and I both felt frazzled and torn. Motherhood had turned my world upside down.

As I fell more in love with my son and saw him grow so quickly, I began to realize that I was the best caregiver he could ever have. And my husband and I yearned for a less frenetic pace for our new family. So, I cut back and cut back and cut back until finally one day I said, "That's it. I quit."

I admit it. I am one of those people who thrive on feedback and reassurance. When I was employed, I relied on and came to expect the ego boost of a job well done. Each paycheck meant a lot to me, not only in terms of its spending power, but also as a valuation of my contributions in the workforce. As much as I wanted to be with my son, it was difficult for me to exchange my adult business associates for my new one-year-old "client."

Not long after I left my job, I had a particularly trying week. I felt over-whelmed, under-appreciated and flat-out exhausted. When my husband came home on Friday evening, I collapsed spread-eagle on the living room carpet. No sooner had I closed my eyes than my son toddled over, plopped on top of me and gave me a sloppy and enthusiastic kiss. I took one look at his beaming smile and it dawned on me--I'd just received my paycheck.

As an at-home mother, every day is filled with special joys. But I consider my paychecks to be those truly rare, poignant moments that renew my soul. Recognizing and appreciating these rewards energizes me as a parent and reminds me why I chose to be home. Usually my paychecks come directly from my son, but sometimes they come from other people's comments, or just from moments that I simply feel blessed to witness. For instance, I will never forget the joy in my son's expression that bright sunny day when he gleefully discovered his shadow.

Recently, I received the ultimate promotion when we welcomed our new daughter into our family. Just last week she gave me my paycheck in the form of her first lopsided grin. "Aahh," I thought, "my income has doubled."

So when my husband and I compute our tax return, our family income will mirror exactly the figure on his W-2. As I sign, I'm sure my ego will flutter momentarily. Then I'll think of all the secret paychecks I've received over the past year, and I'll smile, content with the knowledge that the rewards of mothering far surpass what I could receive anywhere else.