I kept my maiden name after marriage. We have two children who bear their father's last name. When scheduling pediatrician appointments or introducing myself as part of our family business (which bears my husband's name), I find myself uncomfortable. Every wife has chosen whether to change her last name or to keep her maiden name. What reasons did they have for their choices? Have others changed their maiden name after years of marriage as I am contemplating?

Suzanne T., Hatfield
Pennsylvania

When I got married, I struggled with the name question. Having two different last names in a household would have been too complicated, and a hyphenated name felt cumbersome. I took my husband's last name and use my maiden name as a middle name, and I have never regretted this decision. Especially now that we have a child, I like the fact that we all have the same last name; but my own family name is still there like my history and everything else about me that I cannot just edit away.

Kathryn M. L.
Washington

After more than nine years of marriage, I have decided to take my husband's last name. Initially, I kept my maiden name, since we worked in the same office and I wanted to retain my identity. I also wanted to follow the Latin tradition of maintaining one's maiden name. I have used my maiden name and both of our names hyphenated in the past.

It has become increasingly difficult to do this, especially when dealing with insurance companies, doctors, or being introduced to someone. It is tiresome to explain the situation every time. Now that my oldest son is in school, the time has come for all of us to have the same last name to avoid confusion.

Ana D.
Centreville, Ohio

I feel strongly tied to my maiden name, as it was mine for thirty years before I married my husband. My identity and my credit history are tied into it, and I feel as a woman, much strength comes from retaining my name. In the past, the taking of a husband's name signified the husband's ownership of his wife, and I disagree politically with this antiquated idea. I simply tell people who are confused about my name that I do not have the same last name as my husband.

It is important to feel comfortable with your decision, and if you are not, retaining your name may not be worth it. I feel I am very much a part of my husband's family, even if my name is different. In the end, I think it is important for my children to see that I am a wife, mother and an independent woman, and retaining my last name has helped me keep all of my labels intact.

Nancy G.
Modesto, California

I have shared my husband's last name for the past two years of our seven years of marriage, and I am so happy I made the change. Prior to this, I had been a working mom and wanted to keep my own name to help stay in touch with clients and colleagues who knew me before I was married. The first month after I quit my job seemed to free my mind and soul to love my daughter even more than I had before. Similarly, changing my last name to my husband's has drawn me closer to him and has strengthened our marriage and our family.

Melissa B.
Perrysburg, Ohio

I changed my name when I married twenty-two years ago. As time passed, I realized how much of my identity had been lost. Searching for girlfriends I've lost touch with is often impossible if they've changed their names. A man can look up a lost friend by simply going to the phone book -- for women that source is lost. The same goes for family connections. I heard a story about a woman whose parents passed away within a year of each other. During her grief, she said it was always a source of comfort when people recognized her by her maiden name (which she had kept) and told her stories about their connections to and memories of her parents.

Maybe you could use your husband's name in social settings. You might want to add your husband's name to yours as an additional name -- then you could use one or both. Another suggestion would be to maintain the connections to your history and add your maiden name to your children's legal name.

By keeping your maiden name in the first place, it's obvious that you have strong feelings about your identity. If you give up that part of your identity now, you're sure to feel the loss at some point in the future, as I have. I hope you can find a compromise that gives you the best of both worlds.

Lorie B.
Winnipeg, Manitoba

I didn't change my last name when I married, partly because my law license and diplomas bear my maiden name, but also because I didn't feel like changing or discarding the name given to me at birth. I have encountered some confusion and occasional mild criticism for keeping my name.

You shouldn't feel uncomfortable or pressured to change your name. People speculate about many things. I think it would be difficult to change your name now.

An author once noted, "Who came up with this system of filing women away under their husbands' names?"

Barbara S.
Austin, Texas

"Who am I?" is often the first thought to panic across my brain as I ask for my photos processed at Wal-Mart or return a call to another soccer coach. Yes, I have kept my maiden name, my name. It is my name and so I never took another. Is it confusing? Always. Would I go back 25 years and change it? No. With six kids, I am "Mom O." to most of our small town community. Because I have coached three or four different teams a year over the last twelve years, I'm often called "Coach" which suits me just fine.

With a sense of humor, my kids always ask, "Who are you down as?" before they get a book for me at the library. The new bank teller thought she discovered fraud the day I signed three checks in front of her for three different names, and then asked for two hundred dollars in cash. She smiled shakily and ran over to the bank manager. "Oh, that's only the Doc's wife," I overheard. So much for identity.

I delight in the chaos. But in the 1960s, keeping my identity was a big thing. So who am I? William's mom, probably.

Sandra E.
East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania