On holidays, especially my husband's birthday, it doesn't seem as if I am giving my husband much of a present if he has to pay for it.  I generally buy something he needs, put it on the credit card, and he pays the bill.  How do other at-home mothers put the fun, joy, and excitement back into gift giving?

Gerilynn M.
Mequon, Wisconsin

I took on the responsibility of bill-paying.  Both my husband and I know the financial aspects of the household, which would help in the future if one of us could no longer do it.  A benefit of this is that you can "hide" a purchase from him.

You need to think of the salary he makes as your combined salary. Look at the worth of the jobs you perform.  What would you or your husband pay for someone to do all that?  When his paycheck comes in, imagine part of it as payment for your work.

--Diane B., Ashburn, Virginia

I felt more joyful in giving gifts to my husband once I really believed that my job was a fundamental part of our family life, and that the money he earns is "ours".  He was instrumental in helping me internalize that fact by acknowledging and complimenting me on the job that I do in our home.  He is truly happy to see me singing or painting in a dusty, unvacuumed room, with two happy little faces smiling through the mess.

Your husband knows the time, thought, and effort that goes into finding and choosing a gift.  That is what makes your gifts special and exciting, not who pays for them.

--Kim A., Burke, Virginia

Over several months, I sometimes "borrow" a little from the grocery budget to save enough money for a surprise gift. I have also earned extra spending money by garage sales or selling some of our toys or clothes at a consignment shop.

One year I wrote a poem about how grateful I was that I could be home with our girls.  I printed it on the computer in a fancy script, decorated the paper with a piece of ribbon, and framed it in an inexpensive acrylic frame.  It has held a treasured place on my husband's desk for many years now.

One of his favorite gifts was a calendar the girls and I made.  They drew a picture appropriate for each month and I made the grids on the bottom.  I included special dates, too, such as our daughter's preschool program or a first dentist appointment.  He felt a little more connected to our everyday lives and would try to schedule his day to attend if at all possible.

--Carol H.,  Morton, Illinois

We need to get away from the idea that the only "worthy" gifts are those money can buy.  Don't use material things as a measure of love.

Our children are involved in celebrating special days.  They decorate the house with streamers, cards, pictures, etc.  One year the boys made signs for a treasure hunt that led to various surprises they also made.

One year I planned for my husband's family to have a casual reunion in our back yard.  Another year I worked hard to make a fancy (for me) cake.  It didn't turn out so beautifully, but the hours of effort meant a lot to my husband.

When you do things for your husband, you and your children are telling him how much you love and appreciate him.  The heartfelt words your children painstakingly write on their cards, the simple gifts they make, tell your husband clearly how much he is loved, and that you all are willing to put a lot of effort into making his day special.

--Diana K., Jenison, Michigan

When my husband turned forty, the kids and I made a list of forty reasons why Daddy is special.  We attached our reasons to forty very small gifts.  It turned out to be a pretty special gift for a very special guy.

--Lynn W., Los Gatos, California

Several years ago I made my husband a small scrapbook of poems, quotations, photos, and other things that symbolized the love I have for him.  It has always been special to him.  This year I plan to make him a scrapbook of photos and things that commemorate his new role as a father (with plenty of room for new additions!).

--Lora N., Fresno, California

My husband and I don't give material things to one another at official gift-giving times such as Christmas and birthdays.  Instead, we try to practice "simple abundance."  We give to each other every day of the year, in small ways.  My husband works so he can pay our bills and put food on our table.  He keeps the car maintained.  He empties the mousetrap and kills the spiders.  I consider these acts to be gifts.  Likewise, I consider my "good wife duties" to be gifts, because I try to do them cheerfully. I do them so he doesn't have to.  I am not his servant; I choose to do these things.

We spend money on each other throughout the year, particularly if an item is on sale. We have a tight budget at this time of our lives.  We make sure it's something the other person wants and needs. It is given with a "happy early birthday" or "we'll call this your Christmas present."  It takes out the element of surprise, but the idea of giving is what counts in the first place.

To every thing there is a season, and our season of giving material things to one another will come again.  Until then, we consider ourselves to be immensely rich in simple ways.

--Mona R. V., Teutopolis, Illinois

Our children want to be involved in gift-giving for their daddy.  For Father's Day we cleaned up the garage after his project of making a play set for our yard, so now he can park his car in there again.  We made a big Happy Father's Day sign and put it where he'd see it when the garage door went up.

For his birthday we "stole" his car from his office, cleaned it thoroughly inside and out, and returned it to his parking place.  We put a big sign on the steering wheel so he would know his family loves him!

Just to let you know that I am not left out, on my anniversary of being an at-home mom my husband printed up a "certificate of appreciation" and had everyone sign it.  I cried, but it made me feel good.  It is up on the wall in my new office (the kitchen), and is the most appreciated job-related reward I have ever received.

--Wallene S. F., Bonaire, Georgia

Editor's Note:  Thanks to all the readers who sent in their Solutions!  In an attempt to print as much information as possible, I have gleaned the following gift ideas from many of your letters:

• use fabric paint to add child's hand prints or drawings to a hat, tee shirt, barbecue apron
• heat-set child's artwork on a plate or mug
• decorate a flower pot; add a cutting from a current house plant
• make a coupon for a massage, day off, date with you
• make a picture frame and add a special family photo
• decorate stationery
• sew or cross-stitch pictures, wall hangings, ornaments
• artwork (original or print) by a favorite artist
• make molded chocolates
• over a period of time, put love notes or special treats in his lunch bag
• bake special treats
• cook a gourmet dinner at home, complete with fancy tablecloth, candles, flowers, soft music (maybe after the children are in bed)
• give him the day to do whatever he wants, either alone or as a family
• make videotapes of favorite old television shows that rerun during the day, or of movies
• buy him something he'd love to have, but would feel selfish buying for himself