I am a mother at home with three girls ages seven, three, and ten months. I feel very unorganized and at times overwhelmed with the "basics" (laundry, meal preparation and housecleaning). I constantly feel rushed and that I am too busy to work on a project, play a game, or read a story. I don't want the girls to remember me like this. I have read many books and articles on the subject of household organization, but have yet to find the right system for me. Does anyone have any suggestions? 

--Cathy M., San Francisco, California

You hit the nail on the head when you wrote, "I don't want the girls to remember me like this...." Think back to your childhood. Can you remember specific times when the house was messy or clean? Maybe my standards are a little sloppy, but life's too short to be fretting over dust-bunnies and cobwebs.

I have three suggestions. First, stay on top of clutter. If the house is picked up, no one but you will notice that the floor needs mopping or the furniture needs dusting. Second, separate daily chores (meal preparation, etc.) from chores that aren't needed daily (laundry, grocery-shopping). Choose one "non-daily" activity each day and finish it all the way through. You are now  done with the housework for the day! Spend the rest of the time with your girls or on projects of your own.  Third, get your husband and girls to help! 

I'd also suggest that you use nap time for yourself, not for housework. Take a nap, read or do whatever you enjoy most. You will find you have more energy to tackle the rest of your day if you do.

--Lisa N., Bozerman, Montana

I can identify with the feeling of being overwhelmed with all the daily "basics" that need to be done. I have worked out a system so that I have time to enjoy my children without feeling like everything else is piling up.

I will only spend one day per week doing laundry and chores. My day is Friday because I like to keep the weekends free to do things together as a family. On Thursday evening, I bring all the laundry to the laundry room and sort it. Before I go to bed, I get the first load going in the washing machine. On Friday, I continue the washing and drying as soon as I get up. During the day, in between meals and laundry, I do my cleaning. Each week I do basic cleaning like sweeping and vacuuming plus one other additional thing that I didn't do the previous week. Friday is usually a very busy day, and I don't get to spend a lot of time playing one-on-one with my children. However, once I get my work done, it leaves me free to spend the rest of the week with them.

My theory is that I didn't quit my job to stay at home and do chores. It's important to me to have a fairly clean house and keep up with everything while still having time with my little ones. 

--Linda W., Sussex, Wisconsin

Cathy's problem is the oldest one in the book! I really felt for her. Here are my suggestions: 

• Trade one afternoon with another mom so you can have a "catch-up" time. 
• Hire a young neighborhood girl (eleven, twelve, or thirteen years old) to be at home with you during an afternoon. You'll be home, but your children will have fun. You'll get so much accomplished and have more time with your children during the other times of the day.
• Hiring cleaning help is more expensive, but truly worth it and affordable if you value it more than other things you spend money on. You could have paid help once a week, or once or twice a month. This will cover a lot of the heavy cleaning. 
• Meal preparations do not have to be elaborate nor time-consuming to be healthy. The girls can "help" if you put on a music tape while you prepare a meal. Sing together or tell stories during this time. 

--Amy S., Campbell, California

Taking care of a high-need baby took up all my waking hours and forced me to rethink my highly inefficient housekeeping and cooking strategies. After two years of attacking the problem, I can't say our house is in perfect order, but here are some strategies which helped me deal with the situation: 

• Consider delegating some of your household tasks to other family members. You may need to temporarily lower your standards and provide lots of encouragement while your children and husband are learning their new tasks, but this may be a small price to pay for increased time with your family. Helping out around the house can also boost your children's self-confidence and give them valuable survival skills for later in life. 
• It takes less time to clean a clear counter top than a cluttered one. We have given away or thrown away countless bags and boxes of unwanted or unnecessary household goods in recent years, and are making a conscious effort to buy only what we need .
• In the kitchen, I double portions whenever possible and freeze the leftovers for later use. Soups, stews, and sauces can be combined with different meats, grains, beans, breads, or vegetables to form quick, nutritious and tasty meals. Michele Urvater's Monday to Friday Cookbook and La Leche League's Whole Foods for The Whole Family combine innovative, time-saving cooking strategies with easy-to-follow and delicious recipes.

--Celeste L., Vienna, Virginia

I understand your predicament as I am the mother of three children under the age of four. My first suggestion would  be to prioritize. Getting your seven-year-old out the door to school in the morning is the first priority. After that, you can assess what absolutely has to be done and go about doing those things.

Instead of waiting for clothes to turn into a mountain, try to do one load of laundry every day if possible. 

Try to pick up clutter at the end of the day. My children, my husband and I all pick up the toys, papers, and stuff in the living room and kitchen before bedtime. 

I also suggest making it a point to stop housework at a certain time of day. I try to do what work I can by 11:00 in the morning and then I "quit" for the day. After that time I only worry about meals and my children. 

--Sandra D., Naugatuck, Connecticut

My biggest challenge/frustration is my perpetual dirty house and always being behind on housework and laundry and mending, etc.  I get so discouraged that I sometimes give up.  I know I'm not home to keep a House Beautiful, and that my children and husband are my priorities, but I'd appreciate ANY suggestions or hints on how to cope.

--Shawn C.

I empathize, because I also feel overwhelmed by the never-ending housework.  I look forward to reading others' suggestions and hints.  Here are my own:
 

• I have a quote on my refrigerator that sometimes helps me:  "The way to get much done is to always be doing a little."  Things get much worse when I let them pile up, even for a day.  Look around each room, and before you leave it, make at least one improvement.
• Another motto that helps me is from the Nike ad: "Just do it!"  When I don't have the energy or the motivation, I coax myself to "Just do it!"
• Of course, any chore your husband is willing to do is always very helpful and encouraging.
• If you have to, leave the cluttered scene for a while.  Go outside, visit a friend, go to the mall or anywhere, just to get away for a change of atmosphere.  Hopefully, when you return, you'll feel refreshed and better able to tackle some of the chores.
• Take pride in any small accomplishments you perform daily.  If you organize a messy drawer, clean out a closet, or cook a delicious meal, pat yourself on the back.  Reward yourself and sit back and relax for at least ten minutes.
• If you are anything like me, you may worry about what unexpected company may think of your housekeeping.  It helps me to keep in mind that my children are what is most important to me, and that the lasting memories I've created with them will be the times we've shared and not that our house was never in tip-top shape.

--Sandy M., Madison, Alabama

I cope by always keeping one room immaculate -- our master bedroom.  This room is used to entertain a very important person, my husband.  It is the only place we can talk without the interruptions of our young children.  I have found that I can keep one room absolutely clean.  No toys allowed; linens crisp; furniture shining.  This mall effort has given my husband and I a haven in the storm.  It is great to turn in for the night and wake up in a clean room.

I love a clean house, but I try to remember that a house full of love often is a messy one.  I am learning to live with only the minimum cleaning actually being completed.

--Joan M., Newtown Square, Pennsylvania

I have a few suggestions that work for me:
I organize each week in writing, with a different job for each day.  I write down even little things that need to be done so I don't forget them.

For example, I do laundry three days a week, two loads per day.  I start the first load first thing in the morning or else it takes me all day to finish with the interruptions.  I use a feather duster and electric broom instead of polish and a vacuum cleaner; these are quick and do an adequate job.  I clean my kitchen and bathrooms weekly, with mini-touchups as needed.  Mending can be done during naptime or while talking on the phone or watching TV.

A neat house is important, so I straighten up each night before going to bed.  The kids do the same with whatever they've taken out; even young kids can do this with a little help.  Putting things away as you use them makes a big difference, and getting up to a neat house starts the day off better.  Cleaning messes before they set and get sticky is a good -- if not always possible -- habit to get into.

I rotate the bigger cleaning jobs, doing one each week, so they don't seem overwhelming.  I get my husband and kids to help out -- my husband with the cleaning and my kids with the laundry.

--Bettina S., Albany, New York

I am, by nature, one who loves to have everything in its place.  When I had only one child, Ryan, I was able to keep up fairly well.  It wasn't until the birth of my second child, Leanne, that I started to feel frustrated about the housework.  I developed a routine to help me cope.

At first I picked up toys before both naptime and bedtime.  I soon realized it was a waste of time.  Instead, we eat supper, have a bath, and then pick up toys and have a Bible story before bed.  I also lay out the children's outfits for the next day before they go to bed.  This helps me to dress them before breakfast without taxing my still-asleep brain.

I have found that I can be content with a little dust on the furniture and a few threads on the carpet as long as there is no clutter.  Each night after the children are asleep, I take an hour to clean up the kitchen and family room.  I find things that belong in the children's rooms and pile them near the door to that room to be put away in the morning.

I used to do housework during naptimes, but I have given that up.  Naptime is my only time to be alone all day, and I enjoy it.  I read, bake, sew, nap, write letters.

I clean the bathroom during Ryan's bath.  He is busy and not as curious about the chemicals.  I use bubble bath, which helps keep the tub clean.

Some nights my family requires more attention or I need more sleep, and I do not accomplish my normal evening tasks.  I try to be flexible and realize that my husband and children need me more than they need a clean house.  I do believe, however, that they also need a reasonably clean house.  Perhaps our diligent lifestyle will help teach our children good organizational skills for their future.

--Heidi E., Columbia, South Carolina

I highly recommend a practical book -- Sidetracked Home Executives -- by sisters Pam Young and Peggy Jones.  While I have not followed their system completely, their ideas have given me new organization and pride in managing my home.  As they predicted, my husband noted the difference and has caught on to maintaining and improving the refreshing efficiency in our home.

It has been such a pleasure to invite friends on a moment's notice, knowing there is an excellent chance the downstair's bath has toilet tissue, the cupboards hold some clean cups, and less than sixty-seven toys are about!  It is a surprisingly clever and witty book for a rather dull subject.

--Cheryl D., Golden, Colorado

I have three boys, ages six, three, and two.  I have not found the perfect solution, but I can pass along some tidbits that have helped my sanity.

In trying to build responsible behavior into the lives of my boys, I have included them in my solution.  In our hall we have three laundry hampers into which everyone sorts his own dirty clothes -- darks, whites, and permanent press.  This not only saves my sorting time, but also helps me to know when I have a full load.  When the clothes are clean, the boys have the chance to earn money by folding diapers (one cent each), matching socks (one cent per pair), and folding towels (one cent each).  They also earn a penny for each item put away in the proper place.  Other earning opportunities are available.  My boys are good at dusting and seasonal chores.  They are learning both household skills and money management skills.

I fall back on some wise advice given to me:

• Don't panic when friends come to visit.  They are coming to see you, not your house.  I would never have friends over if I waited until my house was perfect.
• Enjoy children while they are young.  There will be lots of time for cleaning when they are grown and gone.

--Kathy J., Lakeland, Florida

I've come up with several ideas to help keep housework under control:

I put away knickknacks for now.  They add clutter and need dusting and are in danger of breaking.  I will bring them out again when the kids are old enough to dust them.

I limit toys to the kitchen area and the kids' bedrooms.  My kids know the living room is off limits.  Any offending items are confiscated for one week.  My oldest son "redeems" them by doing a special chore.

We recycle toys on a two-week basis, putting one-third out for the kids at a time.  The toys seem like new and the kids have less to throw around.

I teach my kids to put away their own stuff.  Even toddlers can put stuffed toys on a shelf.  Everyone over the age of two has his own chores.

I took one week and divested my house of clutter, one room at a time.  I placed family members' stuff in bags with their names on them.  (I did the smaller kids' stuff.)  I gave them five days to find the proper place for the stuff.  After that time I threw it out.  My son learned quickly when his favorite T-shirt disappeared.

After the clutter was gone, I assigned a room to each day of the week.  I dust it, vacuum, wipe ledges and counters, etc.

I started small, working on the biggest problem first.

It is not my house; it is the family's house. I enlisted their help -- and I lowered my standards of housekeeping.

I save grocery store coupons and spend the money saved occasionally on a "rent-a-maid" for a couple of hours or on a window-washing service.

I keep a log of household chores in a notebook. I list chores in order of frequency, and I enter the date and which chore I completed.  It helps me keep track of major things to be done, and it keeps me from doing them too frequently.

My home is not spotless, but it is organized and comfortable. 

--Roberta A., Glendale, Wisconsin

It's nice to know I'm not alone.  I've discovered a few things to help:

Sit down with your husband (and kids, if old enough) and decide what things about your house are important to you.  I can't stand a messy kitchen table; he can't stand a stack of dirty dishes.  Decide what things you can live with.  I only pick up toys twice a day.

Use a kitchen timer.  I try to spend a half hour giving my kids my undivided attention before I clean.  This way they are more willing to play on their own for a while. Ii set the timer and say, "Mommy is going to clean until the timer dings."  I clean in small blocks of time, fifteen to thirty minutes.

Lower your standards.  Pick one or two rooms to keep neat and keep the kids out.

Get rid of junk.  Trinkets can be put away or sold at yard sales; you won't have to clean around them and your house will stay neater.

Get help if you can afford it.  A preteen neighbor helps me on occasion.

Remember this motto I had my mother make into a wall hanging:  "An immaculate house is a sign of a misspent life."  It will help you remember exactly why you decided to stay at home.

--Sharon E., Evansville, Indiana
 

Need more tips on coping with housework?  You may be interested in these reprints:

#360(d):  Coping with Housework.  If you're concerned about keeping up with housework, you'll enjoy the perspectives of several popular Welcome Home writers who share how they have balanced their work of mothering children and completing the endless list of household chores.  The reprint also contains cleaning tips offered by readers, and a list of suggested reading.

#340:  The Laundry Dance.  Want a funny spin on the age-old chore of household laundry?  Popular Welcome Home writer, Barb Warner, shows that there can be humor, even when the pile of dirty socks reaches the ceiling!  You'll also find meaning in "Intricate Folds," where writer Cari Clark describes how she has found contentment in the laundry dance and her choice to be an at-home mother.

#365(d):  Am I the Manager or the Maid?  (Children and Housework).  So, the myth makers really got it wrong!  It's not the homemaker eating bon-bons on the couch.  It's her children while she slaves away to maintain some sense of order around the house.  Enough is enough!  Our "Children and Housework" reprint offers a collection of six articles on the topic.  You'll feel pride realizing that you can be the one in charge after reading "Am I the Manager or the Maid?"  You'll also find practical tips from readers, as well as "Keys to Successfully Training Children," by MAH Co-Founder Janet Dittmer.  Two writers also share systems they employ to allot work to all family members.  Farewell maid!  Mom is the one in charge!

#355:  Fostering Appreciation in Children.  Are your kids taking you for granted?  Do you feel demoralized by their ungrateful attitude toward the many small and large things you do for them?  In the lead article, Welcome Home writer Nelia Odom shows that sometimes the solution to this age-old problem can be easy--and enriching-- for the entire family.  You'll also find suggestions from readers responding to a P&S column about how to raise children who appreciate the work you do.