Ever since my children were tiny I have struggled against worrying excessively over them. I have to fight morbid thoughts when they are driven away in a friend's car or go off on school field trips. I hide my fears from my children, but I wonder how other mothers face these anxious thoughts. Our children are so precious to us, it is hard to relax sometimes.

Name Withheld

The years when I nursed, I can remember almost feeling a panic while on a dinner date with my husband at the thought of how our baby would cope if I were in a car crash on the way home and had to be hospitalized. I sometimes worry I may not be around to raise my seven-year-old if I get cancer. But I have come to realize that even if the precious people in our lives must die an untimely death, plenty of hearts will love the survivors. 

Our children are indeed dear, and terrible things can happen to them -- and to us. Some of us seem to have the type of temperament that allows our imaginations to drift into scenarios of car crashes, airplane tragedies, toppled school buses and terminal illnesses. We need to hide these fears from our kids or we become overprotective and interfere with their natural trust in the positives of living. As adults, we know that bad things happen to good people every day and that tragedy is a part of our human existence. 

So, how does a mom face these anxieties? First of all, I do not feed my imagination with overexposure to radio or TV or Internet news. I read the daily newspaper, but my life experience keeps me positive that some incidents are tragic but life goes on. I have a religious faith and pray constantly for my children and people I know. I pray for safety as well as coping skills, should emergencies occur. When I feel really uncomfortable about a separation from a child, I take action. I don't allow my young children to go to a birthday party in the car of a mom I don't know. My husband and I don't go on overnight trips miles away from the kids. I make it a point to go on field trips. I let go at a comfortable pace for me. I realize that something could happen to injure me or one of my children, so I build my coping skills with a peaceful lifestyle. 

My older children are in their teens and twenties. They go to big cities at night, drive lonely highways, visit clubs and interact with strangers I will never know. I pray for their best; I keep busy in my own life so I don't sit and brood and feed my imagination. If I ever found that morbid thoughts overwhelmed my ability to stay balanced, I would get professional help. Counselors are marvelous at helping a person clarify thoughts and emotions. Also, spouses frequently can offer a fresh and reassuring perspective to give us balance and freedom from our fears. 

Learn what it takes to help YOU relax, for there is so much we do not control. 

Nancy R.
Scappoose, Oregon

I also have anxious thoughts when my children are away from me. My solution is simple. I am thankful for these moments because they remind me how lucky I am to experience a love that is so overwhelming. Gratitude for these thoughts helps me to remember that I've been given an incredible opportunity to understand what it means to love someone so absolutely. 

Being grateful usually banishes all these negative feelings.

Nancy S.
Felton, California

I, too, have struggled with excessive worry. I am thirty-nine years old and was recently diagnosed with a thyroid problem. Nervousness and anxiety can be symptoms of thyroid disease. 

I urge you to seek your doctor's help. Anxious thoughts are not normal, and one out of eight women suffers from thyroid disorders (see www.glandcentral.com). A simple blood test (TSH) can determine if this is the problem.

Name Withheld

As an operating room technician and an EMT before I became a mother at home, I saw plenty of tragedy involving young children. I always wondered where parents found the strength to deal with an injured child. 

Now that I have children of my own, it is scary to think of all of the ways they could get hurt. I know it is impossible to be with them and protect them every minute. 

I have found great comfort in my faith. It is normal to have anxious thoughts about the well-being and safety of our families. My faith is strong, and I know that we are not in control. I truly believe a higher power enables us to do our jobs as lovingly as only we can do.

Julie A.
Appleton, Wisconsin

Thank you for writing about this issue. A good friend and I recently met with our four children at a fast-food restaurant for lunch, and the thought struck me that if a random gunman picked this restaurant, we'd be goners. How would we ever get the two littlest ones out of their high chairs and keep them all on the floor under the table? 

My friend worries about her car being submerged in water. How would she ever get her children out of their car seats before they all drowned? I don't know how to escape all of this anxiety. We pray for the spiritual and physical welfare of our children, and that is my only true comfort. I am grateful for my life as a mother, and my children are a blessing in ways I can only begin to realize. When my thoughts run to the morbid, I try to remember that none of us is guaranteed life without pain. Through articles in magazines such as Welcome Home we realize that strength is provided from many sources on an as-needed basis. 

One more piece of advice is to turn off your television. Look around at the world you really live in. People live through all sorts of tragedies. While we can pray, empathize and sometimes even directly help, filling our minds with the thousands of ills that happen on a daily basis and that are reported as "news" may only add to the anxiety. There is this need in the media to keep repeating sensationalist stories, and if we keep watching and listening, the efforts to keep these stories "interesting" provides much more information than we really need to know. A year after we turned off our television, my husband and I agree that we -- and our children -- are better off without it.

Amy F.
Topsham, Maine

When my first child was placed in my arms in the delivery room, a physical sensation of pure love, like a waterfall pouring out of my heart, flowed to this baby. I was, and continue to be, astonished at the depth of my love for my children. Yet this intense connection also fosters fear. I know the unbearable pain of even imagining my child suffering. The only solution for me is to work on my spiritual life. Without my faith, I don't thing I could cope with my fears. Faith takes patience. Our faith will grow, our fears will lessen, and we will become free to enjoy our wondrous blessings -- our children -- if we simply ask for help and wait for help, believing it will come.

Martha C.
Cincinnati, Ohio

I have painfully found that unusually high anxiety about my children is sometimes caused by unresolved issues in my own life. I am anxious when my child climbs too high or attempts a new activity because my parents wouldn't let me climb high or because other children ridiculed me when I attempted something new as a child. The anxiety I feel has more to do with me and my own problems than with the particular situations my children face. Their situations may very well remind me of my own experiences and make me face them anew. I have found that I am bound to repeat my parents' mistakes if I don't directly address my own problems and past experiences. This may be minor for people who grew up in healthy homes, but it is major and requires much work for those of us who grew up in more difficult circumstances. 

I recently experienced huge bouts of anxiety about my children interacting with other people when I wasn't around. I realized that the root cause of this anxiety is abuse that I had tried to block out of my memory. By addressing these issues head on, I have been able to direct my anxiety away from my children and back to the cause.

Name Withheld