As a new mom, I'd like some advice on how to ask people to wash their hands before they touch my baby. There are many illnesses that are spread by contact with another person that can be easily avoided by hand washing. At times when I have asked people to wash their hands some people are offended. I didn't realize how important hand washing is until my baby was born. How do you deal with this same issue in different settings, also, like at a large family gathering or at the store?

Diane G.
Clinton Twp., Michigan

Germs are everywhere! Those passed by hand are abundant. The solution is easy, non-threatening and convenient. Carry a container of antibacterial hand cleanser in your diaper bag and pass it to whoever wants to hold your baby. As people get to know you better in your new capacity as a mother, they will not be offended but simply will consider this caution a part of your style.

Nancy R.
Scappoose, Oregon

Don't let people make you feel silly for your health concerns. This is your baby and your decisions should be respected, whether they relate to hand washing now or any future family rule. When my children were babies I lived abroad in a very "touchy" society. Cotton baby mitts or mittens, hats and socks kept strangers from touching as much. When children were among the admiring audience I explained that the best place to touch a baby is on the foot. Point out to older children and even adults that this baby always sucks her hands, so it's better not to touch them, then offer the feet as an alternative. I still make sure my children ask the mother first, and only touch toes of small babies. 

My firstborn was baptized at only one week old, and I worried about the church and subsequent family gathering. The trick for us was for my husband to hold the baby. No one thinks twice about "baby snatching" from a Mom, but Dad is a somewhat tougher target! Also, ask Dad to support the hand-washing rule... what is seen as neurotic behavior in a new mother is cute in a proud papa.

Laurie T.
Alexandria, Virginia

As a pediatrician, I share your concern about hand washing. Just tell visitors that your pediatrician is very strict about everyone washing hands before touching the baby. 

Jenny J.
Santa Fe, New Mexico

Your concern over the health of your newborn is a sound one. My seven-week-old was hospitalized with RSV, a respiratory virus, and it was an experience I would not wish on my worst enemy. Be up front and ask people to wash their hands before picking the baby up. Sure, some people will get offended, but get used to it -- you're a parent now and your job is to run interference for your child if it is in her best interests. When going for a walk, place a blanket over the hood of the stroller so people cannot just walk up and reach in to touch your baby.

At large family gatherings, my husband monitors his relatives and speaks up when necessary, while I do the same thing with my relatives. Small children are the most difficult to keep away. If you see several small ones approaching, pick the baby up. Excuses can be made such as you are late for a feeding, or the baby has a dirty diaper.

Christine M.
San Diego, California

My babies were full-term, healthy and breastfed, and I never asked anyone to wash his or her hands before touching them. I didn't consider any extra precautions necessary. If your baby's immune system is compromised, explain that to people. Otherwise, I don't think you need to ask people to wash their hands. Believe it or not, by the time your baby is a toddler, you may find yourself feeding her Cheerios off the kitchen floor! 

I recently read a fascinating article in Science News magazine (August 14, 1999, Vol. 156, No. 7, p. 108-110) that described several theories about cleanliness and immunity that you might want to read. The name of the article is "Modern Hygiene's Dirty Tricks: The clean life may throw off a delicate balance in the immune system," by Siri Carpenter.

Nancy E.
Sunnyvale, California

Your job is to protect your baby. I asked anyone who wanted to hold or touch my babies to wash her hands first. This offended even my own mother; she seemed to think that germs from family members weren't contagious. In public, simply move the child out of reach if you think someone is going to reach for the baby. Germs made me so anxious when my children were babies that I found it easier to just stay home with them the first two months.

Jennifer R.
Glendale, Rhode Island

Please research immune system development and hygiene. Many scientific studies and doctors believe that exposure to various germs "trains" the growing immune system of a healthy child. Some even believe that childhood illnesses are beneficial to immune system strength. Everyone is exposed to germs, but only some people catch the cold and the flu. Germs cause sickness if our immune systems are already compromised by other factors such as poor nutrition, depression and fatigue. Human beings are social creatures and we need social and physical contact to thrive. Don't deprive your baby of the mental, social and physical benefits of being held by others. 

Perhaps you might think about what's at the root of your fears about harmful germs.

Claire D.
Brattleboro, Vermont

Be firm when you ask people to wash their hands before they touch your baby. My twins were born prematurely, and I was unrelenting about protecting them from unwashed hands. I struggled with how to word the request for hand washing and found that no matter what I tried, some people were going to be offended by my request. Your baby's health is the only motive you need to face disapproval from others. It is not unreasonable to request that someone wash her hands before handling a baby.

Diana B.
Shawnee, Kansas

You are suffering from first-time mother syndrome, and I remember just what that feels like. Everything to do with your baby feels like an awesome responsibility. Your feelings are perfectly normal. But my advice to you is to just relax. Trust that people will stay away from the baby when they have a bug. If you're still concerned, realize that touching the baby's head, arms, legs, etc., will not endanger the baby. If someone touches the baby's hands (this is really your only concern, due to the baby then putting his hands in his mouth) you could use [alcohol-free] baby wipes on his hands for your peace of mind. Large gatherings concerned me because I worried that too many people approaching would overwhelm the baby. The solution to this was a front pack or sling. This way the baby is safely tucked away, and I could just explain that removing him was too difficult, but maybe they could hold him later. This always worked.

Alicia S.
Muskegon, Michigan

As an infant and toddler, a sign was pinned to me that read, "Please don't touch the baby." Yes, this is the truth. But I was no less ill than children who were not wearing signs. 

When my own children arrived, I never considered having them wear signs, nor did I worry about family members handling them unless those people were obviously ill. Breastfed babies have extra immunities so I counted on this to keep them reasonably well. 

Taking youngsters out in public is an entirely different issue. It is positively rude for strangers to touch your baby or child. It is not rude for you to tell strangers not to touch your child. If you let strangers touch your children you are sending the message that it is okay to be open and friendly with strangers.

Therese B.
Beech Mountain, North Carolina